Watching Glass Shatter Page 26

  “You're wrong, Margaret. I do. And I may not want to admit it, but you and I are an awful lot alike.” Olivia sipped her tea and relaxed into the sofa.

  Margaret's eyes widened. “How so?”

  “We're both raising large families. We both enjoy excessive quality in whatever we choose. You went to school and quit working when the girls came along just as I did with my boys. We've been taking care of our husbands for years not quite realizing situations weren't always what they appeared to be.”

  Margaret blushed. “I never thought of it that way. I'd always assumed you believed I took Matt away from you.”

  “That's how things happen when children get older. You haven't really taken him away… you brought more love into his life, gave him the girls, and so many goals to anticipate in the future. I'm glad he has you. I won't always be around.”

  Margaret nodded at her mother-in-law thanking her for having an open and truthful conversation. “I should try to get closer to you, Olivia. Matt and I want you to be part of our lives. I hated fighting with him every time you tried to tell us how to raise the girls.”

  “I shouldn't have done that. I know better now. I want to fix this.”

  “You don't need to. Just, maybe, lighten up a little in the future. Maybe only tell me if I'm doing something wrong every once in a while.”

  Olivia laughed. “You never did anything wrong, Margaret. I need to control everyone sometimes, but the times are changing… and I'm getting a bit smarter about it. I'm going to suggest something if you don't mind.”

  Margaret's eyes narrowed almost fearful of what would come next. “It all depends on what you're about to say, Olivia.”

  “I've resigned from all the charities and organizations I've been running for the last few decades. It's time I let other women take charge. My friend, Betty, stepped in for most of them, but maybe you should take over some. It would get you out of the house a little. Every woman needs time away from her family where she can challenge herself, make a difference in the community. I want to nominate you for a few organizations, and it wouldn't consume too much of your time in the beginning.”

  “I have wanted to get back into the working world. Sometimes I fantasize about Matt staying home with the girls while I'm out earning a living.”

  Margaret and Olivia giggled over their newfound way to bond realizing they didn't need to fear one another. Margaret still worried Olivia said the words and wouldn't follow through, but she knew with Matt focusing on his recovery, it'd be good to be on the same side as her mother-in-law for once.

  * * *

  While Matt worked with his counselors, Ethan stopped in the rehab facility one afternoon to check on his brother's progress. As they spent time together talking about the reasons and the ways to go about getting healthier, how to handle the withdrawal symptoms, they once again grew closer. Ethan reduced the fears Matt had been experiencing over never eliminating the desire to self-medicate. Talking his brother through the situation enabled Ethan to temporarily forget his own impending health issues. Matt even let Teddy watch the Red Sox game, given the way the season concluded. The Yanks lost their last few games and fell to second place while the Red Sox clinched the division. They headed to the playoffs, leading Matt to congratulate Ethan on his win at one point in their conversation.

  By late September, Matt completed his in-patient therapy and progressed with significant speed each day. He was due to be released to begin out-patient treatment that week and would be home in time for Ethan's wedding to Emma, something he anticipated almost as much as his own recovery. Matt knew it was time to heal before the next round of heartache the family would unfortunately experience when Ethan reached the end. After the final meeting where the counselor asked Margaret to share with Matt her fears and concerns, the two learned how to communicate more positively. As a congratulatory gift for completing the first part of his rehabilitation, Olivia rented a hotel room for Matt and Margaret to spend a weekend together before he came back to the family home.

  While Margaret ordered room service, Matt drew a warm bubble bath for them to share. Matt removed his wife's clothes sliding off each article with delicate ease, kissing her neck, and rubbing her shoulders and back. He'd forgotten how sexy he found her when she was pregnant, admiring the beautiful round, growing belly as she started showing each month. He lit a few candles arranged along the edges of the tub and placed a few gardenia petals, her favorite, on the floor around them. Savoring the sweet and tangy smell of the flowers, Matt guided his wife into the warm water with one hand holding her fingers and the other placed on the small of her back. The candlelight shimmered against her silky skin in the mirror's reflection. Soft jazz music hummed in the background as he slid in next to her cradling her head against his chest and tickling the edges of her ears in gentle circles.

  “Such an amazing sensation, Matt. Please don't stop.”

  “I love you, Margaret. And I'm so sorry for everything I've done. I've learned a lot more than I expected from therapy. None of this is your fault. I'm back in the game now.”

  “We'll fix it together, hon. I've no doubt in my mind. Yes, you are definitely back in my game now.”

  “Permission to proceed, captain?”

  “Yes. It's been way too long. This field is all yours.”

  Chapter 26 – Ethan

  Before they fell asleep the first night after moving into his childhood home, Emma and Ethan discussed the night he proposed. Her world had quickly changed after Ethan handed his great-grandmother's ring to her at Le Joliet giving her a choice to leave before he became too sick or to stay and marry him. She had begged him to leave the restaurant, as she didn't want to cry in public, and he ushered her back to their loft with an urgent desire to know her answer. When they arrived, she pulled him close.

  “Yes, I will marry you, Ethan.”

  “Are you sure? I don't want to force you into it. I always anticipated you'd say yes, but part of me was scared you weren't strong enough to handle my disease.”

  “I had already made the decision years ago. When I first met you back in Boston, I knew you were the one. It had never crossed my mind we'd be apart. I thought it would be for our entire lifetime. I never realized it would be so short.”

  “We need to make it special. If we only have two or three months left together, we need to do everything, so it's perfect.”

  “Yes. I'm going to put my teaching job on hold. And we should put a plan together.”

  “Yes, but first, we need to pretend none of this happened. None of it except I asked you to marry me. And you said yes. We need to make love and forget about everything else but you and me right now.”

  “I wish I could forget, Ethan. Tomorrow, I will do that. But tonight, I need to let out all the pain and fear, so it's gone forever. I want to make the most of what time we have left. I can't cry every time we're together, devastated by the reality that will hit me when you're taken away.”

  “Okay. Anything. I'll do anything you want. Ask me any questions.”

  “How long have you known?

  “A few weeks.”

  “Are you scared?”

  “Yes.”

  Emma's eyes lost their strength, and tears poured from them for hours as Ethan explained everything he'd been through the last few weeks. She had learned to accept at a young age that life was not always what it should be. Some women had forty years with their husbands. Some only had forty days. She would be one of those women, no matter how much she willed it to change.

  * * *

  The first decision Ethan made was when and where to marry Emma. Despite his objections, Emma had chosen not to invite her family telling them they hadn't planned a big wedding. She wanted a cozy affair, more of an event for Ethan and his family, rather than a typical show for the bride and her family. She wanted the next few months to be about Ethan since she had the rest of her life to live after he died. And while she couldn't yet consider being with anyone else, she was still young and
might eventually change her mind. For now, it was a non-starter for conversations.

  Her family understood but had visited beforehand to spend a few days with their daughter and say goodbye to Ethan before it was too late. Observing Emma with her family had been difficult for Ethan, who struggled with eating full meals and having lengthy conversations some days. Emma would be putting her life on hold to spend the next few months with him before he died. He wouldn't be around when she needed to focus on herself. She would undoubtedly need a support structure beyond her parents to recover from his death.

  Ethan could tell she bottled her emotions and would eventually need someone to lean on despite the brave cover she hid under. One afternoon, he woke from a nap after they moved into his mother's house. He left the bedroom and walked toward the den where he'd left her a few hours earlier. Stopping short a few feet outside the door, he could hear her laughing. He hadn't heard her laugh since before he delivered his news. It had become a forced and fake chuckle, but this time, her natural gaiety shined through. As he listened in, she chatted with his brother. When Zach received a phone call, and it turned out to be the news he'd won his custody case, Ethan watched Emma and Zach interact. Ethan considered whether Zach might be the one to support Emma once he died. It comforted him to know Emma would have additional support from his family beyond his mother.

  * * *

  Ethan had been disappointed his other brothers couldn't attend the fishing trip he took with Caleb, but he reached out to them to build memories that would last well beyond his death. One afternoon, he called Teddy.

  “Hey, Ethan. How are you doing?”

  “I'm good. Just starting to have problems walking on my own if I'm on my feet for too long. I'm afraid it's going to get worse soon.”

  “Don't say that. Maybe you'll get better. Sometimes things work out.” Teddy's voice was full of hope but still held a slight stammer.

  “No, Teddy. You know it's not true. Don't get all wishful on me. I've already accepted it.”

  “How are you so brave? I'd be a mess if I were losing out on my future.”

  “That's where we're different. I already had everything I ever needed. I've got my family. Emma. I achieved great things at the hospital. I've had so many rewarding experiences.”

  “You deserve more time. This isn't fair.” Teddy's voice grew hollow as his eyes dropped to the ground.

  “Listen to me, brother. Dad's gone. I'll be gone soon. Matt's going through a lot right now. Caleb lives far away. Zach can't hold this family together by himself. You need to look beyond the surface of your own issues and worry about the future of this family.”

  “I know. It's my job. I'm the oldest.”

  “No. Not because it's your job but because you want to. Because you finally realize you can choose for yourself. You're going to be a painter. You're going to be a father. Your life is on an uphill turn. You should want to give back a little more.”

  “I do. I hear you.”

  “Promise me, Teddy. Promise me you will keep an open mind and find a way to be happier and get closer to everyone. We all miss you.”

  “I love you, Ethan. I'm wrecked that some outside force took control of our future, but I promise I will do better for you. For me.”

  * * *

  After going back and forth a few times searching for a day when everyone could be around, Ethan and Emma settled on a day in late September when his brother would be home from rehab and for when a minister could come to the house and marry them. By the time his wedding day arrived, Ethan had become more distant and sleepy worrying he'd soon lose several of his essential motor skills. On some days, he could idle around on his own, but on other days the couch or the bed were his prison. He retained his mental capacities except for when the headaches became intolerable. When he felt too sick, he encouraged Emma to spend time with Zach, so they could both get a break from being caregivers. It was his Aunt Diane who noticed what he had been feverishly trying to do.

  “Ethan, you need to be careful with that girl. She's not ready to focus on a future after you're gone,” Diane bluntly stated one evening while they played a game of cards.

  “I'm not sure what you mean, Aunt Diane.” Ethan, in a weakened state, sat up in his bed.

  “You're thinking Zach could comfort Emma. Maybe he could be the connection to you once you're no longer around for her. That could be dangerous. She needs to decide for herself if she wants to lean on someone or to move on in her own time.”

  “I want her to know it's okay to find someone else after me. She is too young, beautiful, smart, and caring never to find love again.”

  “Tell her. Don't push her toward anyone. Let it occur naturally if that's what'll happen.”

  “I know, you're right. I'm getting tired and don't know how much longer I'll be able to do anything on my own. I'm getting feebler as each day passes, too weak, too quickly. I need your help with something, Aunt Diane.”

  “Of course.” She swallowed forcing the pain back inside where it could stay hidden.

  Ethan handed her a sealed box. “Could you give this to my mother… when she needs… when she can't remember… I mean…” Tears fell from his eyes, and he looked away from his aunt unable to finish his thoughts.

  “When she needs to connect with you in the future, and you're no longer around.” Diane hugged her nephew promising she would look after his mother and telling him she hadn't seen him cry since revealing to everyone the news of his disease. “You've loosened the cords in my heart, and even though they've already been weakened by the many hits our family has taken this summer, I'll find a way to handle it. It's my job to be strong for everyone.”

  * * *

  Ethan's physical and mental strength peaked on the day of his wedding ceremony. He wore a crisp new black Gucci suit with a double-breasted coat embellished with his father's gold cufflinks. Emma chose a simple, beautiful white Hermes wedding gown with the diamond earrings and necklace she'd worn on the night Ethan proposed. With family around him in the backyard garden, Ethan stood firm, on his own, having prepared his wedding vows. Emma wrote her own as well, speaking of the memories they had shared the previous few years. When the minister pronounced them husband and wife, they stole one of their last romantic and passionate embraces under the setting sun surrounded by his family.

  Ethan led the first dance with his new bride followed by a few other traditional wedding activities. They fed one another slices of cake, listened to toasts from everyone in the family, and instead of tossing a bouquet, Emma and Ethan planted flowers in the garden to create a memory for the future. Before he became too tired, Ethan requested a brief dance with his mother choosing “Wind Beneath My Wings” by Bette Midler. It was her favorite. As she danced with her son for what she knew would be the last time, letting his body lean onto hers for support, Olivia burned the image into her mind, simply so she could remember it forever.

  * * *

  Early the next morning, Olivia walked to the back deck to watch the sunrise hoping it would lift her spirits. Upon arriving, she found Diane sitting in the chaise with her arms wrapped around her body.

  Diane lifted her head. “You couldn't sleep either, Liv?”

  “Not at all. When we were girls, my dreams were happy, wonderful thoughts about the future. Since becoming a widow, my dreams are always of the past. What does it mean?”

  “That we're older and too focused on what's already happened?”

  “Or we're smarter about the misery yet to come? I miss my innocence, Diane.”

  “We haven't been those girls for a long time.”

  “I remember the anticipation of hope. Being wishful. Wanting everything to happen sooner than it did. Marriage. Houses. Children. Grandchildren. I've had all those memories now.”

  “You're a lucky woman.” Diane stared back at her sister. “Why did it keep you awake last night?”

  “Because one by one, I'm losing them. And I'll never again have those innocent little dreams. I'll never
be that little girl who imagines falling in love, stripping petals off a forget-me-not until the last one says, he loves me so. I won't ever get to dance in a magic that heals the world. And my heart knows what darkness lies in wait each night stealing a piece with every sun that sets and moon that rises.” Olivia's eyes glistened from the stars yet to disappear across the morning sky. She couldn't cry anymore even if she wanted to. “Was I a good mother?”

  “Yes, you were. Those boys grew into strong men who love you unconditionally.”

  “I know they love me. But will they remember me as a kind, generous, caring mother who nursed their wounds, blanketed them with kisses, and offered them the keys to the world. Or will they remember me as the tough, controlling, and impractical woman who simply gave birth to them?”

  “They'll remember you as a woman who gave them life. A woman who taught them to believe in themselves and grab hold of their futures. A woman who survived many hardships and still found the courage and hope never to lose faith.”

  “I want to dream of the future again, Diane. I don't want to think about losing my husband or any more sons to the past. I want to have one more innocent wish for the days still to come. Not a cold and distant fading memory of everything I've lost.”

  After a minute of silence, Diane spoke. “Did you ever find those photographs, Liv?”

  “No. They've disappeared… like so many other treasures in my life.”

  They sat in silence for enough time to earn the courage to carry forward. Diane went inside to brew coffee. Olivia wandered alone to the dark study where she grabbed a packet of matches from the drawer, lit a candle and took a seat at Ben's desk knowing she'd done everything she could to show her children in the last few weeks how to solve each of their problems. With one hand pressed against her chest rising with each labored breath, her other hand retrieved the envelope from the unlocked drawer. She sliced the envelope with Ben's silver opener, removed its contents, held the letter near the flame, and spoke aloud. “One more day before I'm supposed to meet you, Rowena. It's finally my turn to make a choice for our son's future.”