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  “Can you forgive him?”

  “Maybe in time. But right now, if he weren't already dead, I'd kill him myself.” Olivia released an accidental, exasperated chuckle as she glanced toward her sister.

  Diane smiled in return. “Laughing helps, doesn't it, Liv?”

  “I suppose I could say yes, a little.” Olivia grinned and poked around at her fruit bowl.

  Diane had removed the grapefruit, knowing her sister couldn't stand the bitter taste. She was usually one step ahead of Olivia these days. “You need to call Mr. Rattenbury and figure out what to do. Then you can move forward and finish what Ben wanted you to handle.”

  “After I talk with Ira, I want to spend time with each of the boys before I find out who Ben's letter belongs to… before everything changes. I'm going to stay with each of them for a few days this summer.”

  Diane reached for her sister's hand. “No matter what Ben's letter says, Liv, they'll always be your boys, and you'll always be their momma. You may fight and argue, but in the end, that's all it is, a temporary fight.”

  Olivia smiled. “Not always. Not if I lose one of them.”

  “Nonsense. How are you going to lose one of your sons? I don't know why such a fuss, but I'll listen when you're ready to talk.” Diane dropped the dishes in the white farmhouse sink, and her eyes fixed deep into her sister's. “How about instead of losing someone, you gain someone? What if I move in with you the next few weeks to help you and the boys through everything?”

  Olivia nodded. “I don't want to be alone. I'd like that. We need some changes around here.”

  Chapter 4 – Caleb

  After finishing college years ago, Caleb had been driving around the coastal mountains on the highway connecting Northern Maine to Canada when he stumbled upon a stunning piece of property nestled behind a hidden lake. He fell in love with the land's sweeping beauty, comforted by a peace he hadn't experienced since early childhood. On the south and west sides were untouched plots belonging to an elderly man who had no interest in selling or building, nor had he stepped foot on them in decades. To the east lived a charming young couple who had planted a flourishing orchard separating their property from Caleb's land. The northern border held a long, winding entranceway packed with thick, tall, hundred-year-old fir trees. It created a perfect shield to the outside world—a shield Caleb had grown dependent upon since his move to Maine.

  Every flower and bush in Caleb's sprawling backyard absorbed the intense glare of the scorching sun that week after he returned from the funeral. He inhaled the lilac blooms as they rode the backside of a breeze across his porch. Lifting a glass of iced tea, he smiled when a familiar face came into view. “You look good working up that sweat.”

  Walking up from the vegetable patch, Jake smiled back, while wiping a few drops of sweat from under his right eye. He wore cut-off denim shorts, dirtied Reebok high-tops, and had slightly pink skin on his chest and back where his shirt should have been. Jake threw his gloves at Caleb. “Shouldn't you be helping me, Ousier?”

  “You have a new nickname for me every time I turn around. It's more fun to watch you work.” Caleb smirked as Jake reached the porch.

  “I'm teaching you a few of the important things you missed growing up.” Jake bent lower and kissed Caleb, tugging the back of his neck. “Mmm… I love this mug.”

  Caleb smiled once his lips freed up cleaning the smudge of dirt Jake left behind when wiping his eye.

  Jake's short blond hair covered dark roots reminding Caleb of the boys he lusted after at the beach years ago with their closely shaved punk styles narrowing on the sides but spiking up in the top front. Dark glasses stood out on Jake's narrow, oval-shaped face offering hints of sexy professor by day, bad boy by night.

  “Nicknames are my calling card. Ouiser was Steel Magnolias. You can be a little cranky sometimes, like Shirley Maclaine.” Jake sat on the bench next to Caleb and poured a glass of iced tea. “And you can watch me all you want, but don't think for a minute it means you earn any credit this time. You may have designed this garden, but it lives and breathes due to my hard labor over the years.”

  Caleb had met Jake on the day he closed on the house, five years earlier, when he'd stopped for a celebratory drink at the local wine bar. As he turned to sit at a stool, he bumped into Jake sending a glass of chardonnay onto the stranger's neck and shoulder. As his eyes traversed the full length of Jake's tanned and toned body, a familiar longing grew deep inside. Caleb leaned in close, drawn in by the woodsy scent pouring off Jake's skin, and was tempted to lick the buttery wine off his neck, sensing his heat inches away. Reality struck, and Caleb backed away, recognizing he stood in a public bar where straight-men still outnumbered gay ones by twenty to one. The final push arrived when Jake inadvertently brushed Caleb's inner thigh while catching a napkin as it fell from the table. Jake feigned clumsiness, but Caleb had known a flirt when he met one. They stared into one another's eyes for a few hungry seconds and without even speaking, locked hands and left the bar silently understanding the animalistic urges between them. Once outside, Jake pushed Caleb against the brick wall of the building, the cool stones a direct contrast to the heat between them, and roughly grabbed his willing waist. Holding him steady at the neck with one hand, he licked the shell of Caleb's ears working his way toward his chin and finally landing on his lips. Caleb returned with a kiss, their bodies pressed against one another with the pulling force of magnets knowing a special connection had sparked.

  Within six months, they'd fallen in love, and Caleb had asked Jake to move in with him, bonding over their mutual love of architecture, landscaping, and renovating old farmhouses. Their most recent project included expanding the garden to include a walled herb section across from the orchard. Anticipation grew over the future scent of rosemary and basil wafting into the kitchen while they cooked Sunday meals. Jake, an elaborate and ingenious cook, could prepare a beef bourguignon that would rival Julia's any day of the week.

  Caleb winked and leaned his head against Jake's shoulder as they sat on the bench. “So, my mother called. She's coming to visit next week.”

  “How do you wanna handle it?”

  “She wants to spend a week with me this summer. She's planning a trip to my brothers, too. I guess she wants to talk to each of us about the future. I couldn't say no to her.”

  “Of course. I'm still shocked she's never visited in the ten years you've been here.”

  “It wasn't easy. They tried a few times, but between my dad's work schedule and my mom's volunteer commitments, it didn't pan out. I guess I could've tried harder.”

  “Don't be too hard on yourself. You're always traveling to client sites. You're not always home. And it's difficult to tell your parents you're gay.”

  “I should have brought you with me to the anniversary party. Now you'll never get a chance to meet my father.”

  “We talked about it and chose not to take the focus off their celebration. But he had the accident. It all happened so fast.” Jake drew Caleb tighter against his chest with his right arm rubbing the tense muscles in his shoulder.

  While Jake knew a funeral bordered on insanity as an appropriate time for an introduction to Caleb's family, the inability to stand by his side to soothe the pain and tragedy of losing a parent had destroyed him. Jake also hoped to grow close to Caleb's family, especially since he retained no relationship with his own anymore.

  “I know. We can't change the past. But we need to decide what to do with the future.”

  “I'll support you however you need. If you want me to meet your mom, great. If you wanna spend the week with her on your own, I'll find some sugar daddy to take me in for the week.” Jake enjoyed teasing Caleb, but he also knew how to foil the pressure of painful memories weighing on him. “We'll figure it out. I know you're going through hell right now, hon.”

  “Sugar daddy? I don't think so… you belong to me even if you are a pain in the ass. We've got time. She won't arrive for a few more days.”
r />   Jake put on his gloves to head back to planting. “Come with me to the garden, and let's put in the new stones for the herbs. Manual labor might take your mind off your troubles for a while. And tonight, we're gonna watch that new spy movie, you know, the one with the British hottie you wanna shag.”

  “You do know what I like…” Caleb used his best English accent. “I'll walk down in a minute, just want to finish my drink.”

  Jake wandered the path to the garden to continue working. “Make it snappy, Ms. Davis. I'm the nicest goddamn dame that ever lived, but I won't wait forever.”

  After Jake left, Caleb opened his wallet and slipped out the black and white picture of his family from a prior Christmas stored there to remind him of his old life back home in Connecticut. As much as he loved his new life in Maine with Jake, a huge piece of him had yearned for honesty with his family. Although Caleb's family remained in the dark, he'd known since early childhood he was gay, but also too scared to tell anyone.

  After entering his teenage years, he fought hard to hide every erection he couldn't control when his classmates changed for swim practice in the locker room. One weekend, he learned of a movie with a shirtless Ryan Phillippe that drove girls crazy. Caleb later bought 54 at the local electronics store, hiding the package in his baggy cargo pants so his brothers couldn't find it. Thinking he'd been alone one evening, Caleb loaded the DVD on his laptop and watched several scenes over and over again, too afraid to search for porn sites in fear his brothers would check his recent computer history. After a few minutes into the flick, he no longer questioned the sexual desires deep inside his body. As he laid in bed, his jeans and shorts pulled to his ankles, watching Ryan grind against someone on the dance floor, Caleb pretended Ryan's hard body enveloped him. He'd pulled the front part of his shirt over his head, wrapping it tightly around the back of his neck, as he liked the way it increased the size of his upper body. Just as Caleb had found his high holy nirvana, the door busted open, and Teddy walked in shouting at his brother for eating the last sleeve of Oreos. Caleb kicked the laptop off the bed. It landed near his brother, setting itself on pause, revealing Ryan's tight ass for all to see. Caleb couldn't stop his nirvana from exploding and quickly grabbed a pillow to cover himself, while Teddy screamed, “Are you whacking off to some dude?” Matt and Zach arrived home from the movies at that moment and walked in as Caleb slunk under his covers. Teddy showed his brothers the laptop and called Caleb Ass-Munch, resulting in all three teasing Caleb for weeks about getting hard to some naked guy. They later admitted to thinking he'd jerked off to Salma Hayek's tits, but for a two-week period, inconsolable horror had terrorized Caleb, resigned that his brothers had discovered the secret. He also hadn't ever again eaten an Oreo, not even when they began selling the new kinds with different flavors.

  Instead of dealing with the growing need to physically touch another man, he directed his attention to escaping his secluded reality. At fifteen, he took an after-school job working for a neighbor who owned a landscaping business. He also worked summers at the town clerk's office processing construction permits for building outdoor additions, decks, and gazebos. By eighteen, he'd left for college at an unknown architecture school in Maine where he finally earned the opportunity to explore the lust he'd been having since Ryan's eight-pack abs set his world afire. After his first physical experience when he was twenty with another guy (his best friend's roommate), Caleb knew he couldn't return home and live a lie. He chose to move away rather than divulge the secret to his family. He'd even left behind his high school friends and found a new circle of people to get closer to at college, never replacing the intimacy he once cherished with his family when younger.

  Caleb jolted from his memory when he heard Jake's voice.

  “Put the picture away and let's talk for a little while, Gloria Swanson.” Jake jogged back up to the porch. “I knew you couldn't stop your obsession with the letter.”

  “I know. As much as I want to, I'm not ready for her to know.”

  “What are you afraid of?”

  “My mom can be difficult. She tends to react poorly before considering what she means to say. I've been through enough with my father's death already. I don't want to deal with another loss right now.”

  “Loss? Do you expect her to disown you like my parents did me?” Jake's family banished him when he came out after graduating from college, forcing him to stay in Maine, rather than deal with his family's homophobia.

  “My dad may have been okay, but my mom can be judgmental. She has this idea of how things are supposed to be. And if reality doesn't match up, well, then, she…”

  “People change, Caleb. She lost your father. Maybe she won't react that way now. I doubt she'd wanna lose a son right after losing her husband.”

  Caleb's bond with his father surpassed those of his brothers during childhood. His father had always talked to him about the importance of being a gentleman and an honest man. Whenever he'd caught Caleb telling a fib, Ben never punished his son. He would listen to why he lied and ask what he'd learned from being dishonest. He'd always told Caleb that secrets were dangerous and had a way of bursting out in the end. It seemed important to Ben that his sons learned how to accept the truth—to be open and honest about their feelings.

  Jake ruffled Caleb's hair. “I know you miss your dad. Maybe you should talk to him if it provides relief. I know he can't respond, but maybe you'll have a breakthrough.”

  “The guilt over our lost time the last few years is overwhelming. He never knew about you. Or how happy you make me.”

  “I'm sure he knows now. I may not be religious, but once you die… your memories and steadfast beliefs transform, don't they? Death sets your mind free. Gone are the hang-ups and crazy crutches you once firmly held.” Jake rubbed Caleb's shoulder to comfort him.

  “He may have told her the truth about me in his letter.”

  “You never read the letter. You don't know anything yet.”

  “My mom still has it. She hasn't said anything. I left her house after the reading of the will and went to his grave. I haven't been able to ask her since visiting him. I stood at the cemetery staring at the fresh dirt and temporary stone with his name… it was the first time I cried over his death. Everything came rushing back from when I was a child.”

  When the lawyer had mentioned the two envelopes from Ben, it unleashed a panic in Caleb over realizing his differences from everyone else, bringing to the surface concerns his family would reject him. It had brought back all the things he'd fought hard to suppress the last decade—the restless nights, churning stomach, and unsettling sensation of skin crawling.

  “Even if he told her, your mom loves you. I've heard the messages she's left you. I've seen the cards she sends for your birthday. You need to give her a chance.”

  “I need more time. I'm so glad you're helping me figure it out.”

  They walked the steps to the garden to finish working when the phone rang. Caleb dashed back toward the kitchen, read the caller ID box, and cradled the extension.

  “Hey, Zach. What's going on?” Caleb spoke into the handset. “Slow down, you're not making any sense…”

  Pulling the phone away from his ear, he whispered to Jake who had followed him to the kitchen. “It's my brother, Zach. He's drunk. He's slurring something pretty fierce.”

  Caleb continued. “Zach… chill. I can't understand what you're saying… what? You did what?”

  Jake laughed as he listened in on the conversation. “Ooh… this ought to be good.”

  “Zach, you're joking. You seriously crossed a line.” Caleb held his hand up to cover Jake's mouth, then pulled the phone back to his ear. “Does Mom know?”

  Jake slipped next to Caleb and kissed his cheek. “Finish yard. Five minutes. Deal with family drama. Or I will.” As he walked away, he mumbled. “Your poor mother… she has no clue what's coming her way with you troublesome Glass boys.”

  Chapter 5 – Zach

  Neon glow sticks inv
aded the large open space producing the only light on the dance floor. Hundreds of twenty-somethings dressed in as little as possible, approaching the edge of ecstasy, pulsed to the pervasive rhythm reverberating off the club's walls. The Atlantis Lair was an abandoned warehouse a group of bored millennials had converted into the latest hot spot in Brooklyn. The weekend started early Thursday as the clock struck midnight in the club where patrons gripped bottles of beer or plastic cups filled with vodka and overly sweet and sticky mixers.

  A Latina waitress stepped to the third platform in the corner and waved at the DJ. Dressed in a one-piece glittered black nylon retro bathing suit, Tressa and her conspicuous image were uneasily dismissed. “You need somethin', Echo?” She tossed her jet black curly hair to one side and raised her voice to shout over the fervent boom of the bass drum.

  “Yeah, a break. Think the boss will mind if I let the machine do the work for a few minutes?” His black denim jeans served as a second skin to his trunk-like thighs and powerful calves as he twisted around the glass window to see her.

  “Nope. He's in the back with the other jackasses planning next month's parties. Take a ten-minute breather with me. I need a drag.”

  He set the next two tracks and slipped out the back entrance with Tressa. A white ribbed tank accentuated the curves of his broad shoulders and well-defined chest. Chunky black boots clunked across each concrete step lifting his apple-round ass from side to side.

  As Tressa lit up, she tried to grab it, but he maneuvered a few inches too far ahead. “So, how's Anastasia doing, Zach?”

  When the streetlamp's glow descended on his bulging biceps, his tattoos, bathed in dim light and dark shadows, came alive. “My girl is good. She turns six in a couple of weeks.” He twisted off the cap of his Diet Coke, tossed two white tablets in his mouth and swallowed. “Thanks for calling me Echo in front of the others. Kind of want to keep my real name on lockdown around here, babe.”